Calling all losers!

I want to begin by telling you I've very reluctantly agreed to do this page, only because I get paid an obscene amount of money for writing it. I mention this, partly because I love to gloat, and partly because I feel it teaches an important lesson. The lesson, in case you dimwits out there didn't get it, is: Never do anything if you don't get paid. A lot!
Apart from being a dentist, I'm a financial advisor. (I'm incredibly successful at both trades, by the way). Assuming you all know what a dentist does - though I bet some of you don't - I will explain briefly what financial advice is: You tell rich people how to get even richer, and at the same time make sure you yourself get a fat slice of the pie. Simple as that.
The purpose of this page is to let ordinary, drab, poor people like yourselves get the benefit of my almost unlimited knowledge and good judgement. Just send me an e-mail with your questions, and I'll do my best to make my answer so ridiculously simple even you will understand it. I don't need to point out that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, do I?
Take it.