Psst! Are you sure you weren't followed?

Honest Gus Grottnik here, speaking to you over the Internet, courtesy of the Brickstown Correctional Facility's server. As a part of my crusade to make the world a better place, I'll be editing this page in my spare time. (I'll have a great deal of spare time for the next 18 months, or so, due to an insignificant but unfortunate misunderstanding between me and the American Express Co.)
I won't put any limitations on what you can ask about, but suggested areas might be real estate, chain letters, creative accounting, lotteries, and discreet import methods.
The only really important thing is that you always remember to enclose your credit card number with every mail you send me. (This is just a routine we have developed to make sure that our correspondents actually exist, nothing fishy about it, I promise.)
So, start writing, folks! Let me help you to help yourself to the help I'm offering! (Pretty catchy slogan, huh?)